Forbidden love

We are forbidden to be in love,so now we are friends.
However,our emotions still run deep in our veins as if we are lovers.
It is truly complicated, but I have learned to cope with it for the past few months.

What do u do when he doesn't text back?
When he doesn't call you, kik you, or contact you first.
This is the hardest part in a long term forbidden relationship.
Frustration, Suspicion, Trust and love.
I love him to death, but the time is going by and his presence is dwindling from my brain.
I always contact him first, but our dialogue is short beyond compare.
Sometimes , It's hard to  tell if he really cares.
Lately,This is me, Awkward Rosalee

Stressed

I have an 8 slides power point to finish at 11:59 pm. In order to earn my extra credit. Last night, I arrived home late and had to submit an online application for a job. Then I had to do a homework packet for my english. Alot of strees this week. High school sucks!!!
Yep this is me. Awkward Rosalee! :(

Feeling Weird Today

I can't think straight anymore. I'm trying to get over some things ,but I can't. I don't want to. I don't know what to do anymore.

Depression overdrive

Alot has happened since I blogged to all of u. However, In this moment I am sick to the core once again. I am praying for the lost of my bestfriends Aunt and my love that I am forbidden to spend time with. People always said distance makes the heart grow fonder and I beleive it with all my heart. Our time is cut off and is hanging by a thread at this point and time. Emotions are being mixed up and i dont know what to do, but write about it. Due to the incidents that occured I havent written on my blog, but I'm back. Hopefully. Yes,This is me. Awkward Rosalee.

Depression Mode

I feel devastated to the core. All i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. Instead, I hold back the tears from my pain of everything that's happening to me. I suffer because I deserve the pain I've inflicted onto myself. Your probably asking yourself, " Why the hell are you torturing yourself?" Honestly, for allot of reasons. I've hurt so many people and lost the one person that makes me happy the most. I desperately want that person back, but i am forbidden to be with them. I feel lost, depressed, and sick to my stomach because nothing is going right. I guess putting on a fake smile works every time. Yep, this is me.Awkward Rosalee.

Bucket list

  Last year I typed my eight  page bucket list. The only thing is I've only crossed out three things out of  eight and a half page booklet. How will i start to do things i truly want when i have no clue where to begin? Some of the things are very far fetched. Things such as : taking my mom to Italy, travel the world, become YouTube famous, and become a millionaire.
  How in the world am i going to do all these things? My bucket list is only eight pages long and I'm going to turn 17 on January 3. As excited as I am I want to live my life with memories. There's a myth that when you die you see your whole life as if it was a movie. The thing is, how do you know if your dead and your seeing memories, or if your alive making them? Why not make a bucket list and cross off everything?! Life is short anyways might as well make the most of it! Yep, that's me. Awkward Rosalee.

"New beginning's inspire a new story

 I'm on a mission this year,2014, to face my fears and do what I actually want. After all, I only turn 17 once. With this in mind my quote for this year is, "New beginning's inspire a new story". One of my goals this year is to be more productive and become an actual novelist. I want to become the first 17 year old author. (Even though it says 16 on my bucket list) A new story has arrived out of the dust that has surrounded this art in my room. 

  The only excuse I have for not finishing the other one was that my laptop doesn't work anymore. Since a virus has taken over my precious laptop I can no longer type from home. The computer that we do have in our sun room is super slow and the connection's are terrible. Therefore, the struggle is real. So real that now on I'll just have to type it when I'm at the library or mom's job.

    This year will be different, hopefully.