Depression Mode

I feel devastated to the core. All i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. Instead, I hold back the tears from my pain of everything that's happening to me. I suffer because I deserve the pain I've inflicted onto myself. Your probably asking yourself, " Why the hell are you torturing yourself?" Honestly, for allot of reasons. I've hurt so many people and lost the one person that makes me happy the most. I desperately want that person back, but i am forbidden to be with them. I feel lost, depressed, and sick to my stomach because nothing is going right. I guess putting on a fake smile works every time. Yep, this is me.Awkward Rosalee.

Bucket list

  Last year I typed my eight  page bucket list. The only thing is I've only crossed out three things out of  eight and a half page booklet. How will i start to do things i truly want when i have no clue where to begin? Some of the things are very far fetched. Things such as : taking my mom to Italy, travel the world, become YouTube famous, and become a millionaire.
  How in the world am i going to do all these things? My bucket list is only eight pages long and I'm going to turn 17 on January 3. As excited as I am I want to live my life with memories. There's a myth that when you die you see your whole life as if it was a movie. The thing is, how do you know if your dead and your seeing memories, or if your alive making them? Why not make a bucket list and cross off everything?! Life is short anyways might as well make the most of it! Yep, that's me. Awkward Rosalee.

"New beginning's inspire a new story

 I'm on a mission this year,2014, to face my fears and do what I actually want. After all, I only turn 17 once. With this in mind my quote for this year is, "New beginning's inspire a new story". One of my goals this year is to be more productive and become an actual novelist. I want to become the first 17 year old author. (Even though it says 16 on my bucket list) A new story has arrived out of the dust that has surrounded this art in my room. 

  The only excuse I have for not finishing the other one was that my laptop doesn't work anymore. Since a virus has taken over my precious laptop I can no longer type from home. The computer that we do have in our sun room is super slow and the connection's are terrible. Therefore, the struggle is real. So real that now on I'll just have to type it when I'm at the library or mom's job.

    This year will be different, hopefully.

Walk of shame.

Have you ever met a person and you guys just connected. I've met a person like that and we are in a 'friendly' realationship. My dad came to the football game today and saw him and I laughing and whispering to each other.  My dad called me and said not to let my 'friend' touch me. Then my 'friend' said that he was going to hug me if my dad wasn't there. Then, after the game was over I wanted to hug my 'friend' but my dad told me to come to the car. The walk of shame set in when my 'friend' saw me walking away. 

Go for it

Be fearless

Prove them wrong

Be yourself

Remember where you came from

Follow your dreams 

Go for it

Easy to forget or can't get rid of.

  Some things are easy to forget.Some things you cant get out of your head. In my head I'm always thinking, where will I be  in five years? Will I be around the same people I see everyday?  What will happen to me in the future?
  The things I forget are objects in my room or misplacing my work when I need it most. One of the things I hate is when I'm missing something but it magically pops up when my mom searches for it. Yep,this is me. Awkward Rosalee.

Nobody cares

I may not know who I'm becoming. I may not know what my sexuality is. However, I do know that nobody cares. For example, when you pay for an item at the cash register that cashier doesn't care about you. There probably tired of seeing people's facing and hearing complaints of every customer. They dont care how much money you make,who your parents are or your SAT score. Nobody actually cares about you in the real world. This may be blunt but it's true.